Wedding Update: 30 Days out! Lessons I’m learning + who we fired, who we hired, and the dirty truths about wedding planning
For my skin, diet and fitness routines, check out my initial wedding update post here.
To start off this post, I want to say that I’m not writing this post to complain, gripe, or throw anyone under the bus (I am not even naming names, and the names in my previous wedding update post were removed to ensure that absolutely no one gets thrown under the bus here!).
I just truly want to arm current and future brides with this information, as I really would have appreciated knowing this at the beginning.
Lesson #1: The wedding industry is crazy
More and more people are having big weddings now due to Pinterest, Instagram, and the TLC network. The average price of a wedding has skyrocketed. And vendors are so fricken’ busy it’s unreal.
And with that, comes lack of customer service from a lot of them because they are just too busy with what they do best…to deal with the customer service. Wedding vendors aren’t typically “business” people or salespeople. They are great at their craft and that usually requires a totally different part of the brain, which is great!
I unfortunately had to find that out the hard way when I would get emails un-returned for weeks, was disappointed to find that a lot of my requests wouldn’t be accommodated because they were too “out of the box”, and that I just had to basically take it or leave it.
But there ARE some unicorns out there, and we found some! (listed below)
My biggest piece of advice when finding vendors is to READ REVIEWS AND ASK AROUND! Other people’s experiences will tell the full truth, not their websites or Instagrams. You don’t know how actually involved that vendor was by their photos. Ask very detailed questions to people who have actually used the vendor, and make sure to ask a lot of questions when you’re “interviewing” them! If they are annoyed by your questions, there’s your red flag. If they respond with “of course” and see accommodating, you’ve found your unicorn!
Lesson #2: Destination weddings can be easier or harder…keep it simple!
Don’t overcomplicate things by wanting every single thing to be perfect. I got caught up in that and realized that most people won’t even notice those little details. It just creates more stress and work for you during an already stressful time. If you’re having a destination wedding, let the venue’s planner do it all and just sit back and relax.
Lesson #3: $$$$$$$$
The price of something skyrockets as soon as you tack on the word “wedding” to it. And rightfully so! A wedding is the most important day of someone’s life, which means that the vendor has to take extra care and pay extra close attention to the service they are giving you, raising the price of it.
The real deal about how much weddings really cost:
We wanted a simple “backyard” wedding in the forest. I calculated everything at the beginning: table and chair rentals, bathrooms, food, alcohol, etc. and my initial calculations came to $20k…maaaaybe $25k if we wanted some more luxuries. And I didn’t even want flowers or a DJ…this is a HUGE cost to stomach!
But what I soon found out was that it would actually unfortunately cost much more. And backyard weddings often cost more than venues do and are a lot more complicated. I also read a LOT about how people regretted not using a DJ and did a playlist instead…the DJ really sets the tone for your wedding and feels out the crowd, so he/she knows when to switch songs that the crowd isn’t feeling. Basically the DJ’s job is to run the schedule of the wedding and keep everyone on the dance floor.
So we rented a venue that had power, restrooms, and a dance floor instead to cut those costs. But what I didn’t factor in was that everything adds up SO much! Think about it…
To put it into perspective, this is how much things usually cost:
Venue: $2,000-$15,000
Rentals: depends on what the venue gives you, but let’s say if you want a “seating area” like you see all over Insta…it’ll run you around $1,500
Food: $30-100 per person = $3k-$10k for 100 people
Alcohol: $15 per person on the CHEAP, but up to $75/person = $1,500-$7,500 for 100 people
Bartenders: Yes, this is separate most of the time! Unless it’s included in your venue cost.
Desserts and/or cake: $500-$2,500
DJ: $1,500-$2,000
Photographer: $2,500
Videographer: $2,500
Stationery: $200-$500
Decor: $500-$2,000 (think about all the signs you will need!)
Dress, tux, and accessories: $1,000-??? The average cost of a wedding dress is about $1,500.
Alterations: $500-$900 (ya…I know)
Other attire (rehearsal dress, etc.): $200
Hair and makeup: $300
Gifts & Tips: $500
And we aren’t even doing florals (including bouquets), a cake, centerpieces, or much decor at all! And that can run you $1,000-$5,000.
This all is a MINIMUM of $20,000 if you’re doing it on the very inexpensive side. And that’s not including extras like transportation, gift bags, and wedding entertainment like a photo booth.
And trust me, at the beginning I thought we would be on the low side of all this to save some money…but remember that the “low side” is cheaper for a reason.
Who we fired (and why!) + who we hired:
FIRED!
- Our wedding planning company: Cloth & Flame. they just were NOT accommodating at all and would take 3 weeks to respond to my emails. Not a good sign! Plus, I heard that they ghosted a bride the three weeks before her wedding and left her freaking out. No, thank you!
- Caterer: well we don’t know if we fired them or if they fired us. Basically they just never responded to our messages and we had to move on if we were going to stay on schedule.
- Wedding dress maker: The company I was using (Anomalie) called themselves “custom” however they were not. I wanted to use certain fabrics and laces that they wouldn’t accommodate, so I was onto the next!
HIRED!
- A new wedding planner (and an actual venue): Shaneen Elefante (planner) with A Bugling Affair, and the Greer Red Setter Lodge. She is so great and knowledgeable about the area and has tonssss of tips for us.
- Caterer: We ended up going with Spicerageous because the owner owns two of our favorite restaurants in Pinetop and he is amazing! They have also been soooo accommodating for us and make us custom menus. They are doing our plated 5-course rehearsal dinner, cocktail hour, family style reception dinner, and Sunday brunch (with their food truck!).
- Wedding dress maker: I am obsessed with my dress maker!!!! Angela Kim Couture literally went INTO my brain and designed exactly what I was thinking. My dress fits like a glove AND I didn’t have to pay for alterations!
- DJ (after deciding a playlist was a bad idea – see reasoning above): We chose a friend of a friend who is more of a club DJ who has done a few weddings we’ve been to and I liked his style at them. We wanted more of a club vibe and after talking to a few DJ’s I was scared they didn’t understand what we were looking for.
My biggest tip: Ask for help!
Seriously, you can’t do it alone. It’s too much! I sent out a Paperless Post text invitation to all my friends for a “wedding projects pizza party”. I ordered a bunch of pizza and had all these projects laid out. We were done with THREE huge projects in an hour and a half!
My bachelorette party in San Diego!
We went over Labor Day and one of my favorite parts was going on this San Diego Boat Cruise mini yacht. Captain Glenn was amazing! The boat was super nice and he had everything for us – snacks, drinks, champs…
He was sooo accommodating, nice and funny – I literally felt like we got the white glove service the whole time.
Captain Glenn doesn’t just do bachelor/bachelorette and bday parties! You can do a sunset champagne cruises, corporate or family fun cruises, and even an intimate Celebration of Life. You can call or text him at (858)212-5148 or go to sandiegoboatcruise.com!
Mention me when you book and he will give you a great deal!
